I may be a twin, but I'm one of a kind...
I met Becca about 10 years ago when we were in college together (aaaand now I feel really old) We quickly became friends and although our paths to starting families could not have been more different, we now both find ourselves with a house full of the beautiful noise that only little children can bring, along with the not - so - beautiful noises too! Becca is also a mompreneur and runs the most amazing clothing company called dancing llama! As mamma's, fellow business owners and friends I feel privileged to share her story with you. Her honesty is inspiring and her journey is one that I know so many mamma's can relate to!
Becca and Jason
When I was young, the thing I wanted to be most when I grew up, was a mother. I loved to day dream about the life I would have; what my husband would look like, I would draw out fun house layouts, there would always be 4 kids, and there would always be a set of twins. It was an escape for me, from my fairly dysfunctional home life. I longed for a family I could pour love into.
When I met Jason, we were both still in highschool, but it wasn't long before I realized that he was going to be the one I would marry. Even though we were so young, we openly and frequently talked about what we wanted for our future, how many children we would want, how we would parent them, we agreed almost unanimously on how we wanted to raise our children. We both wanted to have a few biological children, then adopt one or two. After what seemed like forever (but was really only 5 years) we were married, in the spring of 2011. I was 24 and he was 23. We knew we wanted to start a family right away - and I felt like I was late to the game because I had always planned to have a child by 25 - so we started trying shortly before we got married.
We tried for a little over a year, with no results. I had to keep changing my life plan - as so often happens - I compromised with "as long as I'm pregnant before 25", which then changed to "at least become pregnant while 25". But month after month we weren't pregnant. Month after month the trying became less fun, more rigid and planned, it took all the fun out of our sex life and being newlyweds. Sex became a chore. After trying for almost 18 months - and a slight nervous breakdown on my part, where I called Jason in hysterics over this man I saw who looked pregnant, and if he could get pregnant, why couldn't I haha - we went to see a fertility doctor. We just wanted answers, whatever they may be. We started the gamut of bloodwork and tests to find out what was "wrong"with us, why we couldn't seem to get pregnant. During the testing it became clear our issues weren't from me, in fact, most months I ovulated twice haha. Our issues getting pregnant came from the fact that Jason has a sperm count of ZERO. We didn't react the way the doctor was expecting when he told us, we totally threw if off guard by laughing. But at that point, there wasn't much else we could do but laugh. Laugh at the ridiculous irony of that.
The day I had booked our fertility appointment I also emailed the CAS about adoption information. We had decided early on (long before the 18 months of heartache) that it mattered more to me (to us) to be a mother than to be pregnant. I didn't so much care about the act of being pregnant, I just wanted to raise children. We did our PRIDE training where we learned what it meant to be foster/adoptive parents. We spent weeks filling out paperwork, we did a handful of (awkward) interviews and endured the stress of homevisits during a huge reno. We were finally approved as a foster to adopt home!
The placement worker was out on a Friday morning, the week before Thanksgiving 2013, to go over everything we would feel comfortable having "wrong" with a child, and saying yes to. She said it could be as soon as a few weeks or as long as a few months before we received a call. Three DAYS later, we were called about a baby girl that had been born the night before. I will never forget that feeling. The info they gave us made it seem like birth mum was working on getting her life together and the baby would probably end up going back to her. But how could we say no? We had the chance at finally being parents. Three days after the call, we got our first baby "L", the Friday of Thanksgiving weekend, just in time to show her off to all our family. We had her for 9 months, and things looked like they were heading for adoption. But then her biological grandmother stepped in, and L got to go live with her. It was sad and hard to say goodbye, but we knew going in that that's what fostering is about.
We jumped right back in and were waiting for a other placement. We got a call about three weeks after "L" left about a toddler. We were given hardly any information about "A", and although I was very apprehensive to say yes to an 18 month old, we did. Two HOURS after the call, A was dropped off at our house (at 4pm on a Friday) with nothing but the clothes on her back. It quickly became apparent that she wasn't a good fit for me or our family. The emotions that come along with "not wanting" a child are feelings I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. The feelings of disgust in yourself for not "liking" a child, the feelings of failure, because "maybe I'm just not trying hard enough". The self depricating thoughts of "well clearly I'm just not meant to be a mother." I cried every day and night for the 10 days we had her.
It was two months before we heard anything from our workers after A went on to another foster family. Our placement worker came out to go over everything with us again. Another month passed before we got another call. TWINS! I'm pretty sure I screamed yes in the phone! She asked if I needed to discuss with Jason, but he already knew if twins were mentioned it was an automatic yes haha.
We had to wait three agonizingly long weeks for them to be born, then Nov 5 2014, we got the call. The girls had been born and not only would we get to go to the hospital to see them, we would actually get to STAY in hospital with them. Staying in the hospital with my newborn twins is something, after everything we had been through, I never thought we would get to do. Despite any lack of prenatal care, the girls were full term, great sizes and perfectly healthy!
We stayed two night in hospital, then went home to wait out Crown Wardship - which we were told should come quick. Yet it was a full year (well 11 months - which is still pretty quick really) before the girls were made wards of the crown. And there were a few times over that year where our chances of keeping them looked bleak. But I tried to have faith that I would not have been given my greatest dream in life just for it to be ripped away. On June 17, 2016 we officially adopted our daughters Ellis and Darcy.
It was a long, emotional ride to become a legal family, but I wouldn't change any part of our journey because it led us to the most perfect version of my childhood dreams.
Ellis is the oldest, and she is a little spitfire. We need to get her running track with her speedy little legs. She has SPD and some gross/fine motor delays as well as a speech (and processing) delay, she never stops moving and she never sleeps. She's exhausting. She's also got the kindest, sweetest soul, with incredible comedic timing, and can snuggle away just about any bad feeling.
Darcy is equal parts smart and sass. She will put you in your place if she feels you have wronged her in anyway. She is one of the most imaginative kids I've ever met, always coming up with crazy, wild adventures for them to go on. She is a rule follower, and a people pleaser, and fiercely defencive of her sister.
I cannot wait to see what these girls grow up to be, and I hope and pray that I can lead them and teach them to be strong, independant thinkers, who will make their own choices in life.
If YOU have a story to share, I want to hear it! You can reach me by email at firstname.lastname@example.org, tell me more in the comments below or find us on Facebook or Instagram @shopbabyoctopi.
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